religion
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
*disclaimer*
Because of the emotion put into here, this entry was done in pieces.
This diary entry will invlove religion. It also goes deep into my personal life, things that I have delt with and am over by now. I'm over it. Please don't try to upset me with it, or make a big deal out of it.If you are offended in any way by beliefs that may be different from your own, please leave.
I was raised Roman Catholic my whole life. From as young as I can remember, I was told to go to church, listen to 'God', pray when things were bad, pray when things are good. Pray for the sick, dying, lonely, and for myself to be saved from sin.
I was forced to go to CCD, or better known as a type of Sunday school. It was every Monday night, for 1 1/2 hrs. It was here, that we were forcibly spoon fed ideas of the religion. We were tought the standard sets of prayers, how o save ourselves from our sins, who Jesus was, and the events he went through.
Don't get confused here. For the longest time, I was TOTALLY into religion.
Something went wrong? Pray to God.
I've 'sinned'........ Repent your 'sins' to the preist.
Whatever the problem was, God illegedly had the awnsers I was looking for. I confessed sins upon sins, repented, went to church, received holy communion, etc, etc.
When things were still not going well for me, I would continue to pray harder and more often. I went on youth retreats, looked forward to CCD, and the like.
When I was about 12, I asked what I was doing wrong, and why I wasn't having the good life God promised me. Again, I was told, to just keep praying on it. I wasn't satisfied with that awnser. I began to question the teachers in CCD.
They said I was just giving them a hard time, and didn't explain to me, so I took it as they were frusterated (they were) and had no awnser to it. Time and time again. Nobody could explain it to me, no proof was offered, no real solutions. I just had to accept and believe, or burn in hell for abandoning "the savior."
Boy was I pissed.
I realized my sexuality at this age, and learned that it was bad, although god loved everyone....
I also brought up the point, that you could theoretically live a horrid life, and as long as you were sorry when you died, good things would then happen to you.
How shitty was this? You could be as good or as bad as you wanted to be your whole life, and as long as you were sorry, you were ok.
BULL SHITAt this point, I realized that the Catholic Religion wasn't all peaches and cream. I wasn't sure where I stood, but I was tired of paying the price to a God who never responded to me.
I say this, because from the time I knew my first prayer, I prayed.
You see, my father beat me from age 2. It wasn't a spanking, it was full outblown child abuse which only progressed as the years went on. I prayed for my god to help me, and no response, for 15 years.
The only person in my family who took care of me when I was severly injured by my father was my grandmother. She died. (yes, people die all the time, just funny how the timing worked out on that one...when I needed her most, "he" took her.) Praise the Savior.
When I was 15, my father commited suicide. (For all you media hungry fuck-holes out there, they said he did it because he couldnt stand the torment from his wife- my mother - - keep beLIEving everything you read kids.) He did it on fathers day. I bet you want to know how too. He broke a gas pipe, and lit a ciggarette. He blew up.
I bet he said he was sorry, and went to "heaven" huh?
BULL SHITDuring my teen-years, I have been taken advantage of sexually by some individuals that obviously got the better end of the deal. Thanks again, "god."
I had/have officially given up on Christianity.
If I recall correctly, the time I figured this out was also aabout the time that the "WWJD" and what I call "The Christian Explosion" happened. When it was "cool to love Jesus!". I had given up on a God, and everyone had picked up on it and tried to shove it in my face. (Just a little tip, if your tryig to get someone to convert, or be "saved", DONT shove it in the persons face, this is the WORST possible thing you can do.)
I have been trying (with little success), to find the religion that is right for me. I'm definately not Jewish, Christian, Morman, and a whole mess of others. But instead of discussing what I am NOT. Lets discuss what I am.
I believe in:
Elimination of all forms of prejudice.Complete equality of women and men in all aspects of human society.Free and independent investigation of truth by every individual.
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