PRE-WORK RANT!
So again, my life is crumbling to nowhere good. Moving T-minus 7 days. This entry is going to be way outta order, but this is my fucking rant so DEAL!
Like, I'm losing friends left and right. Mom is pissed, I'm pissed, They are pissed, He's pissed. so you know what? PISS OFF!!!!!
I'm SO sick of being everything to everyone. I've got alot going on too you know.
I was talking to Jacob again today and we were talking about a prob i was having with one of my failing friendships. He gets all psychoanalitical on me, trying to disect everything I'm saying. He said, well she is experiencing this, and blah bla blah , and that is SO not the case b/c that person isnt like that, and i try to explain that to jacob, and he restates himself and says, but deep inside they are. Like, fuck. I know hes just trying to help and whatever being the "perfect bf"and all but I dont need him telling me what my friends are thinking "deep inside". Let alone the fact that he is telling me that his best friend was comming onto him today
"she looked SO good, SO good in her new swimsuit, and she asked me if i wanted to see her tits, and to my supprise she showed me. and i never liked her tits before but i like them now!!"
WTF is that all about? I don't want to hear of iT, ESPECIALLY about a girl whos breast size is easily 4xs the size of mine. Then he goes on to tell me that his best friend and her best friend were all 3 having "erotic play time" with all of his swords. Tracing each others backs, while talking about sex, and the like. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKER FUCK? Like WHAT is he trying to prove to me? That he can have another gf? Like, I don't even consider this relationship. I don't even really want to be with him when I get there. I want him for friendship.
I have the chance to start all over, brand new when I get out to CA. I want to see what is out there, what is "available" if you will. And with Jacob huddling to my every move, it's not going to happen. He is very attention needy. Im so just pissed now. Distruought. I've lost 2 best friends. I've lost a great guy to hang out with because of his commitment goals, I'm fighitng heavily with Mom, I have lost my sense of direction, and a sense of who I am. I'm not sane, for if I were, all of this would make me crazy.
I'm so pissed. How can he sit there 3,000 miles away and try to tell ME how I should feel and how my friends are feeling or what they are thinking. HES NEVER EVEN MET THEM let alone talk to them. I'm sure work will be one barrel of fucking fun. 1/3 of the guys working, went to kid rock (who also aggrivates me with his white trash worshipping ways) last night. And I'll bet my all my tips tonight that they have a hangover. Each one. I feel sick. I need to go run before work. Running is keeping me alive.
You can't feel my anger, You can't feel my pain, You can't feel my tourment driving me insane, I can't fight these feelings they will bring me pain, You can't take away make me whole agian.
*~*~*~* SPECIAL HELLO TO KIM WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO EMAIL ME AND SAY SHE LIKES MY DIARY!!!*~*~*~*
and *hugs* to
Paul for a stressful = evening.
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Visit Jacob and Shannon's wedding page
Last 5:
- - Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2006
- - Sunday, Dec. 04, 2005
I'm maried!!! - Monday, Sept. 19, 2005
Next week I'll be a wife - Monday, Sept. 05, 2005
my bridal shower is today... - Saturday, Aug. 27, 2005
